Have you ever been away from home for an extended period of time. Maybe a week long vacation or a quick weekend getaway. The new sights and sounds. The smells, this new place with the excitement with so much to do. At first it’s great. Each day is a new day and a new activity to do. Before long you realize your trip is nearly over. For most, a little feeling of homesickness sets in. You miss family and friends that weren’t able to go with you. Or maybe a beloved pet with a caretaker you’re ready to get back home to see. Or hobbies you enjoy doing but they can only be done at, or near your home. Your memory of these things can mindfully whisk you away there in a second, but physically you long to be back home at the same time. To me, my/our, TBI’s are very similar to this. Your mind has checked out, gone on vacation and left us behind. Each day now is a new activity with challenges, depression, desperation and anxiety. Many days are emotionally uncontrollable and will be positive or negative. The physical and emotional rollercoaster of this new life has become your everyday “new norm.” You long for the day this trip is over and your mind comes back home to you from it’s vacation. The vague and fuzzy memories of life before your mind checked out for its vacation, makes you emotionally homesick. You’re physically home, yet, at the same time you’re mentally gone. You’re an empty shell. You try to remember the good days more than the negative ones but you just can’t. “Homesick!” This trip never ends. Each day you’re forced to take on a new activity but it isn’t a fun or joyful one. It’s an activity you have to work hard at and master just to simply function with the basic necessities of life that so many have taken for granted to simply make it through a day. “HOMESICK!”
“USE TO BE ABLE TO” and “I SHOULD BE ABLE TO” have become your two most used phrases in life now. To say I don’t miss the old person I was, would be a lie. However, that person has left on a vacation, with a one way ticket and no return in sight. I wonder sometimes if the old me is lost in the deep unfound corners of my mind and is just as homesick to return to me as I am for him to return home. HOMESICK…….
It’s okay to cry and have your moments of sadness and frustration regardless of the statute of limitations in comparrison to the date of your traumatic injury. Its completely natural to feel this way, but to harbor on them there within lies the danger because it truly isn’t healthy for us and it accomplishes nothing that will assist in bettering and making progress within ourselves. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Some days you can fight it and win and other days you’re to tired and exhausted to try and you just simply have to let it run its course. But that’s okay it’s a healing and recovering process. Everything your experiencing is completely natural considering your condition. “We’re not superheroes but we are survivors and there’s a reason for that.” You’re not alone in this. I’m not alone in this. Each injury and diagnoses is different for every person but we all have our struggles with good days and bad days. It’s simply easier to remember the bad over the good, that’s just human nature in and of itself…. Homesickness will pass, but the longing for the life prior to the injury, seems to hang on for dear life and not let go and stays just outside your grasp “HOMESICK “